Doesn't Change The Fact
by Ghost501
Summary: There's something wrong with her; she knows there is. She's not supposed to feel any of this, but yet she is. And the worst part about it is that she knows that she can't change the facts. Roll's perspective a few days or so after Megaman is deleted in BN3.


So, I've kinda designed to Game Ark to focus specifically around navis, mainly Megaman and Roll. Reason for this being that we are normally always given the human perspective and never really the navi one. So, it's a nice change of pace for me. Without further ado, on with the story.

* * *

No one ever told her how much this would hurt. No one ever thought she could know how much it did. Roll was a net navi. She wasn't supposed to be human like. Sure, she like all other navis had an emotions program which would tell them how to feel. But…this felt much more than her programming. Roll sniffled a bit, trying to keep herself together. She turned her head to see Mayl still working on her homework. Roll had turned the PET's volume down so that she wouldn't disturb her NetOp.

The pink navi got up from her place on the ground and tried to put on a happy face. She could do this. All she had to do was not think about Meg…him. Roll shut her green eyes and shuddered. Every time he made his way into her thoughts, she couldn't keep it together. She lost her brave façade; though her attempts had been quite weak. Mayl, at least if she noticed, had the common courtesy not to point it out. Roll had been a wreck for a week after hearing he had been deleted.

He had been her best friend. She even had a crush on him. But none of that mattered now. He was gone. Deleted. History. And there was nothing she could possible do about it. On some level, she understood this concept and had accepted that he was gone. However, some side of her still wallowed in grief. From what she had seen on the BBS Boards, this wasn't very uncommon with people dealing with grief. But the problem was that she was a Net Navi. On some level, she shouldn't be feeling this way. She shouldn't be seeing her blue friend one second as she walked by the path to his comp space. She shouldn't be the way she was now.

But she was. For some reason, fate had decided to give her a huge heart. And right now, that heart was breaking into a thousand pieces.

"Roll?" a voice asked, snapping her train of thought.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Mayl," the navi asked, directing her attention to her NetOp.

"You okay?" the concern in her voice almost caused Roll's dam to break.

"Yeah, I'm fine," she mumbled. She needed to get over this. He was gone! It made no sense for her to mope around like this! She didn't need to feel so broken over this! Navis got deleted all the time. She shouldn't be this sad over it!

_'But not every navi is your best friend.' _The thought almost caused Roll to double over. She hated this. She hated feeling like she was going to crack at any moment. She hated feeling incomplete. She hated feeling so human! She hated this. Absolutely despised it. She wanted to be rid of all this.

All she could do was replay every moment when he had saved her. When he talked to her. He was constantly in her head like a broken record! She wanted to be free. No…she wanted him back. She wanted him to be here, next to her. But he wasn't…couldn't. She couldn't help but wonder if he was now some kind of ghost left to room around on the Net. Unlikely though, he was swallowed by Alpha. That sick monster would have completed destroyed his data.

Roll felt like she was becoming sick as her operator tried again, "You sure?" the uncertainty in her voice didn't go unnoticed. Was he this uncertain when Alpha had taken him and his brother? Of course he wasn't. He would have done anything to save his brother, even at the cost of his own life.

"Yeah, sure," Roll tried to put her normal pep in her voice, but found herself unable to. Something had literally ripped it right out of her. Was it the thought of Alpha destroying him? Was it him overloading himself and causing his own destruction? Was it the fact that she would never be able to see him ever again? She had lost track of the different ideas that caused her to go numb to the world.

"Roll…I'm sorry," Mayl's brown eyes tried to reach out to her.

"What about? You didn't do anything," the pink navi asked.

"I'm sorry that he's gone. I'm sorry that I didn't realize earlier just how much this affected you. I'm so sorry, Roll."

"You have nothing to be sorry about. It's not your fault that he had to die to save his brother," Roll didn't know why she was continuing. She should have stopped after the first sentence. But no, she persisted, "It's not your fault that he probably felt nothing but pain. It's not your fault that he had no other choice," she couldn't stop. Something had snapped. The days of suppressing feelings unknown was beginning to become undone, "It's not your fault that he's the only one who could be the hero. It's not your fault that I'll never be able to talk to him again! It's not your fault that I keep seeing him whenever I walk by his comp! It's not your fault that he's gone! Deleted! No, none of that is your fault so stop apologizing for it!"

The room went silent with nothing but the pink navi's sobs as the soundtrack. Roll couldn't stop herself from crying. She was a navi. Why did she have to feel this way? What did she do to tick off her programmer enough for her to make her this way? Why couldn't she just accept he was gone!

"It's okay, Roll," Mayl said quietly.

Roll didn't care. It seemed like so long ago that she had talked to him about not being able to change the past. Now here she was voiding her own message like some kind of hypocrite. Roll tried to stop crying, but she just couldn't. She hadn't let herself for such a long time that it was just all coming out like some kind of flood. As she finally managed to control herself, she mumbled thanks to her NetOp and told her that she was going to turn in for the night. Mayl didn't argue and wished her navi a good night. As Roll drifted off on the floor of her PC, one last thought ran through her mind.

_'I know why you did it…and I know I can't change what's happened. But it doesn't change the fact that I'm hurt by it. It doesn't change the fact that I'm sad that you're gone. It doesn't change the fact that…I love you, M…Mega.'_


End file.
